☕ Caregivers, grab a cup of coffee (or scroll this quickly in the bathroom—we don't judge). Today, we are talking about what happens when virtual healthcare completely forgets that dementia exists.

I love telehealth. For my mother, who is both physically disbled and living with major cognitive impairment, it been a genuine lifeline. But last week, telehealth failed us. Completely. We had waited for more than six months for this appointment. At one point, the camera angle left the doctor diagnosing her ceiling tiles and the bridge of her nose. He also asked her to recall the details of her chest pain from six months ago, although her dementia diagnosis clearly stated in the chart.

Here are some of the problems with telehealth.

It assumes the patient is cognitively capable. When technology falls short for people with dementia, caregivers are forced to make compromises.

When the choice was between ensuring Mom could see her doctor or protecting her privacy, access came first. At one point, I had to shout her passwords over a landline to a busy nursing home aide just to retrieve a link.

Caregivers are also often left to improvise. When the main link failed to connect, we had to find another way using our iPhones. I connected to Mom via FaceTime and held up my phone to the camera so the doctor could see her. As this AI-generated photo illustrates, we end up with the incredibly shrinking patient for a doctor to accurately diagnose in a 15-minute appointment.

So, here's what we put together…

👉 Want the full story? Click on this link here: What Do You Do When Telehealth Forgets About Dementia?

Use this quick guide below to prep for your next virtual appointment and get a better result all around. (And download the more detailed checklists if you want something to have by your phone or computer for the next call.)

The Set-Up (Weeks out): If you can't be physically present, arrange a backup person (an aide, nurse, or family member) to be in the room with the patient before you book the time slot.

2 Days Before: Log into the portal yourself. Confirm where the link is going. If it's going to your loved one's phone, call the clinic to get yourself added to a group link. Decide, together with the provider, if a video call or phone call would make more sense given your situation and what they can offer.

1 Day Before: If the clinic calls to confirm, explicitly remind them of the patient’s cognitive diagnosis.  Alert them to any relevant behaviors (like agitation or short-term memory gaps) so the doctor doesn't ask them to recall events from months ago.  Call your loved one with a video app (e.g., FaceTime or WhatsApp) so they can practice looking into the camera.

On the Day: Join the link 10 minutes early. Have a backup plan (like FaceTime or WhatsApp) ready to go. If the camera angle goes wild, be prepared to step in as the visual coordinator and full-time advocate.

Disclosure: We only recommend products we would use ourselves or suggest to our own families. These two links below are not affiliate links.

This week’s experience was another reminder that simpler is better. We’re looking into these two products to simplify how our mom’s connect with tech for video calls: The Grandpad, available in the US, and Telemarie, which is from a start-up in Berlin. We’ll get back to you with an update.

Do you have any thoughts for us? Hit reply and let us know

For some reason, everything was “layered” this week—layers of complexity, bureaucracy, difficult, too much. Why not complex layers of deliciousness and messy goodness? Crumbs and all.

"What's one caregiving moment from this week you wish someone had warned you about?" Hit reply and tell us.

Your answer helps shape what we write next.

Caregiving is hard enough without doing it completely alone. If you'd like a structured, judgment-free space to think through what's in front of you — care decisions, family dynamics, daily logistics, or just where to start — a free 20-minute discovery call is a good first step.

No commitment. No pressure. Just a conversation about where you are and what kind of support would actually help. Both 1-on-1 and group coaching options are available.

p.s. Most families only discover support like this because someone they trust points them to it. If someone comes to mind, feel free to pass this along.

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